Oct 22, 2014
Ok. So 3.5 weeks
into the mindfulness course and what I feel is lost. So perhaps
recording my thoughts each day will help me make sense of the
experience.
I feel like yesterday and today I am
enduring life. I hit the snooze alarm multiple
times until I am late. I get up physically aching and tired. I list
that as my unpleasant experience of my day. I have so much to feel
thankful for that I feel guilty being depressed and numb but that is
what I am. I am in flight mode all the time and it takes energy to
keep that in check.
Where does
mindfulness fit into all this. I am not sure. I empty my mind to
do the exercises and it feels like I am stuck in emptiness. No penny
dropping yet.
Although that is
unfair. I know two things about mindfulness:
- It is not an escape-it is an act of not running away—it is an embracing of the very feelings I want to avoid
- 'to be before God' is my intent
Why do I still feel
so crap? A beautiful world awaits. One full of possibilities and I
want to crawl back under my duvet or run away to 'someplace
beautiful'. Maybe the some place beautiful is....feels just out of
reach.
No comments:
Post a Comment