With age comes wisdom so now I'm 40 I have had two revelations with the help of this weeks Guardian (one of London's newspapers). An editorial by Anne Krapf titled "There is no such thing as Mary Poppins" and Nigel Marsh' "Fat, 40 and fired" rested side by side in this past Saturdays Family Section and put in print two life truths.

1. There is no such thing as a perfect life.

Just the opposite--life needs to be that tumultuous ride. Being tumultuous doesn't mean something is wrong in my life. It usually means I am alive and not stagnating. I can not create that perfect Christmas or summer holiday because they are not real. When the kids come home with problems I can't find the answers in a parenting magazine. The magazines make me feel anxious and inadequate and my kids are unique as are the solutions to the problems they face. I no longer pray for God to take away the chaos of my house. Instead I invite Him to be part of the turmoil. That I can do.


2.You can't have it all (work and family) .

The mornings I go to work I am usually neglecting the dog , yelling at the kids or complaining about the school notice just handed to me as we walk out the door . I feel guilty arriving late at school dismissal time when I am held up at work and when calling in to be home with my sick child (if I go in I feel like an awful mother). The days I work the dishes stay in the sink and the vacuum isn't touched for 2 weeks. What I can't do is do it all. Realizing it is liberating because it frees me from blaming myself. I don't have to say "What am I doing wrong? " but appreciate the times when juggling that it all stays in the air and laugh (sometimes cry) when it doesn't. It also frees me to make the decisions I need to make like cutting back my hours to put family first sometimes or teaching the kids about helping others when I pick up an extra shift to fill in for a colleague. Work and family do not balance --whenever I choose one the other feels it so I try to choose carefully.